I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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