Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
