What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i barfeds in our rink
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
