You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
