Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
