How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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