worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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