I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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