There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
