I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're completely useless in the revolution.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize