you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
