I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
