community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
