she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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