Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
