You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
