hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
