I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
