Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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