At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
