Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
