So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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