hotel room ftw
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
