the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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