I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God, I missed his penis.
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