Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
