Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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