I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
