There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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