I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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