I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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