i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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