I cockslap morals
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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