I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
