p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
