laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
do nipples grow back?
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