my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
