I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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