North Korea, Best Korea!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
