if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
