how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
