there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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