umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
