Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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