butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
