Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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