I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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