I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize