You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize