Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
