covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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