Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
