I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize