I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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