and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize