she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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