Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
