i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
