The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize