i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
