what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
