Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
