when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
