have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
